I did an interview a few months back, of Ms. Inconspicuous one of my favorite bloggers. The interview went over very well and I received some comments and some positive feedback. One of the comments was from a young lady, Topaz whom after reading her blog I asked if she would be interviewed. She agreed so I give you my interview of the smart, funny and beautiful Topaz…
1. Reading back over your blog music is a theme. It invokes memories, good and bad, sets the mood both sexually and non sexual. Why is music so important to you? And what is your favorite type of music and artist(s)?
Music can capture what words sometimes can't, so I return to songs to evoke emotions once felt that I want to feel again. It awakens memories in your body that words simply can't. It betrays reason - a song heard at the exact moment of climax can return you to highs - maybe not the exact same highs, but close your eyes and you can enjoy the memory that much more. I can date events in my life by songs and when they were released. I listen to music daily. Being that entrenched in your life; you can't help but associate it with major events. Blogging about those associations ensures I will not forget how important they are to me.
I could spend hours discussing my favourite music and artists. Never tell me 'oh, I like everything' when I ask the same question; it means having little appreciation for music. I can tell you I can't stand pop music - there are some exceptions, but on a whole it's predictable and a good reason to avoid commercial radio. I grew up playing the piano and violin, taking classes on music history and composition, so I enjoy Baroque and Romantic; Tchaikovsky, Mozart, Haydn, Purcell, Wagner, Vivaldi and more have all influenced me and bring me back to my times of playing in the orchestra and chamber ensemble. For current music, I listen mindlessly to jazz, soul and R&B to lift my spirits. I was fortunate to grow up in the late 80's early 90's which was the great era of Hip Hop and R&B, so I have an affinity for the music - notably Eric B and Rakim, LL, WuTang, Faith, Mary J, R Kelly, Blackstreet, Leaders of a New School, they not only take me back, they stand the test of time (new hip-hop, to my mind, sucks ass). Even the 80s/90s rock 'some' classic rock makes my list, but as you said above, it needs to be connected emotionally to some period or major event in my life.
Socializing, partying and working out are strictly for Soca, Reggae (dancehall and rockers, and yes, there is a difference), Chutney (which is a genre you really only find coming out of the Indo-Caribbean community), and when we're with my husband's people, Latino beats or Deep House, which I also enjoy. All these current genres are upbeat, great for dancing and heavily evocative of the moods they capture. And since I love to dance, I enjoy the songs that are made to get me on the dance floor and help me prove that I can own it.
Oh, and Prince. I love any and all things created by Prince. Both for dancing, composition, the message of his lyrics and instrumentation, and damn, it's just made for fucking. At least this was true of his pre Jehovah Witness days.
2. In 2009, you wrote a post about the Symbolism of Gemstones and this is what you wrote about Topaz. “Topaz, Colour: Clear/blue/yellows/pinks. Composition: Aluminum fluorosilicate Aluminum silicate with fluorine and hydroxyl. Symbolism: The transmutable, the chameleon, the observer who can absorb and adapt accordingly. Indicates incredible degrees of concentration.” Is this still true in 2011? Can you still change forms? Do you still absorb and adapt accordingly?
I would like to believe this is still true. I think I don't have the opportunities to absorb and adapt as I did a year ago. Changing jobs, new home, living with my husband 100% of the time all contribute to this. But I believe I'm still capable of it and still carry different aspects in small degrees. I mean, I carry this secret blog. I also like to dress in my various roles - I have clothes for all occasions, I am a bit of a cosmetics junkie, so I know what's appropriate for the office or for the club, and when I feel the part, I can adapt to the form that I believe suits the situation. So while I am able to do this, I just don't have the opportunity at this point in time. Ask me again in a year and the answer will probably revert back to a wholehearted 'yes'.
3. Do you think your writing style has changed very much from when you first started blogging to now?
Definitely. I wouldn't say it's matured. Maybe it's devolved some. I think there was more energy in my initial year. I think I was exploring sides of myself that were new and I expressed every electric emotion. My style is now more measured. I don't post as much, which I wish could be different, but going through the first bout of the affair, there was constantly information I had to get out and share. Things have calmed for the time being, so there is just less volatility and I think this reflects in my writing.
4. What qualities in a man turn you on the most?
Confidence verging on cockiness without coming across as a douche. There are the superficial things; Beautiful eyes (I have a thing for dreamy eyelashes), and a well kept body. But all those things mean nothing if there is no confidence. It needs to reflect in your clothes, in your style, in the way you speak. Nerves can easily betray a man, so the minute I know they're faking, I lose interest. I have a fairly (unjustifiably?) large ego, so I need a man who can make me believe he can handle, if not dominate, me while ingratiating himself enough to know that it is my decision whether or not he gets a pass or a fail. I know confidence is not the most unique answer, but it is the ultimate turn on in a man. DL doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks - he does as he pleases. H is different - sweet with me, but can be aggressive and dismissive to others. A good sense of humour is a close second. Of course, this isn't to say you can be as ugly as sin but swagger and a joke will get you between my legs.
5. You say many times in your blog that you have fallen in love with DL. I have had strong feeling s for two of the women I have been with outside of my marriage. Do you care to discuss what it is like loving two men? Also trying to mitigate that love for DL when you are with H? What is the current state of your relationship with DL?
When love is involved, some adulterers anguish Romeo & Juliet style over not being able to fulfill both lovers' every need and desire. Bullshit. No one person fulfills every need. Yes, at times there is sadness and longing; embrace those emotions but don't dwell on them. The heartbreak is part of love, especially in illicit love. In my eyes, this comes with the adulterer's territory and you need to suck it up, because the joy you get from the love of both men is greater than any sorrow. If it's not, then it's not a healthy situation and you need to get the hell out. That’s what gets me through the rough patches - knowing that I have so much love thrown my way and I should be grateful for it.
I never mitigate anyone's love. I know how much I love both DL and H and I don't diminish either - DL has to be aware of how much I love H and is clear that I never want to leave him. H obviously knows nothing about my love for DL but he is aware that I cherish our friendship. I think if I were to try and fool myself in the presence of either I would come across as fake - I'd rather be fully aware of my feelings for both regardless of who I am with at that moment. But of course, there are times where I'm not thinking of either of them, but that doesn't change or diminish my feelings for them.
My current relationship with DL? Ah, if you asked this a week ago it would have been a different answer. We both have a lot going on in our lives - he has sick family members who require support (physical and financial), he has a live in girlfriend now and a few other challenges he's sorting out at the moment. I've recently moved, H and I live together full time now, and I also have weighty family changes that require my greater attention. So with each of us pulled by our responsibilities, we decided it was best to put the physical 'us' on hold. That was back in February and we're still on hold. I think it was easier for him to have minimal contact, which meant no calls, no text messages, and definitely no seeing each other. But with his recent call (as I discuss in my recent post), he's missing me. I can't lie - I'm missing him too. It's just a matter of time before we're both ready to actually see each other in person.
6. What part of the day do you like to have sex most? Morning, Noon or Night?
Night, most definitely. Morning is great only if it's early enough that I can go back to sleep, in that dream-hazy fucking where it's still not quite past dawn. I used to smoke the herb a fair bit in my younger days, so drugs, sex or liquor during the day just feels kind of deadbeat to me now. But nighttime you can couple all vices together and OH what fun that is!
7. Favorite sexual position?
Doggie, or as we say in the Caribbean, backshot ;-) It's great to change it up, but if I had to choose one, that always feels the best. And if you're a good girl, you know how to work him even on all fours. I once heard a girl say that it's the laziest position for a woman. What?!? WHAT?!?! 'You're just not doing it right,' I said.
8. Your Guiana /West Indies background plays a big role in who you are. From a sexual point of view how does it shape your sexuality, sexual preferences, fetishes etc?
A gay friend of mine once pointed out that island people are heavily influenced by religion but selectively so, so while there is rampant sex, there are stigmas around oral sex and homosexuality. So I was slightly inhibited growing up. Until I was well into college I both gave and received oral, but it was all very hush hush - many people didn't admit to doing 'those' sorts of things, though they may claim to have banged all the guys on residence. That was also when I started to open up to the idea of girl on girl. Homosexuality was never an issue with me and I've had gay friends since I was in high school. I think that enabled me to appreciate real sexual freedom which I learned over time with non-Caribbean partners. But for Caribbean influences, and it's something most of us prefer, is as I answered above - most of us girls all like it from the back ;-)
9. The series you wrote about the group sex experience was one of the hottest things I have ever read. Talk a little about that experience, would you do it again? How much did you enjoy being the Unicorn?
Why thank you! It was pretty hot experiencing it. I would definitely do it again! Those memories have become part of my fantasies and always make me smile, it brought sensations that you could easily go chasing to replicate - though I'm fairly sure each experience brings with it different but equally enjoyable sensations. I don't know if I would enjoy being the unicorn as much as I did - even though I was technically single in that situation, I felt like my cop friend was my primary partner and I liked how that felt. I knew he could, uhm, deliver, so to speak. The man in the couple was disappointing in that he did not have the body type or confidence I enjoy. But that was all part of the learning experience. If I were to do it again (I almost want to say 'when' I do it again) I have a better understanding of what I don't want and how to prepare for that sort of evening.
10. Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi straight up, Coke as a mixer. I couldn't just make it simple and choose one, could I?
11. Favorite Color?
Purple. All shades.
12. In your blog you mention you have multiple degrees. Talk about your time in college? Did you undergo a sexual awakening while in college? Or were you a bookworm? Did you go to college in the United States?
My sexual awakening happened much earlier than my university years, so by the time university rolled around, sex wasn't novel for me. Granted, I hadn't experimented with anything outside of a one on one sexual experience and I had never been interested then in women. I had monogamous relationships at times, and when I was single enjoyed no strings attached sex. I was a bookworm - one of my degrees is in English Lit, but I equally spent much time out partying and socializing. I'm a big believer in carpe diem, especially in those years. I studied hard and played hard. And no, my college was not in the States ;-)
13. Where do you prefer a man to finish? In you? On you? Nowhere near you?
On the small of my back.Sometimes my breasts. Inside feels very intimate, so that is reserved for DL or H - and neither like to take that chance.
14. Do you like oral sex? What do you like most about it? What do you hate most about it? Swallow? Facial? Do like to have your throat fucked?
Who doesn't like oral! Oh, you meant do I like 'giving' it? Well I like both receiving and giving. There is such thing as a beautiful and an ugly cock. Some just beg for a good blow job. I like when it's part of the lead up to sex - I like taking my time with it and following what seems to please and going with it. The more into it your partner is, naturally the more into it you become. I enjoy building the sensation, and yes, eventually taking as much of it as I can down my throat. For both DL and H, I swallow emphatically. For others (i.e. - in the orgy) I would hate for the entire session to end on a blow job, it seems anti-climactic and a waste. As with the above question, I don't mind cum on my body, but stay away from my face. to me there is nothing sexy about it and this isn't a porn - it just isn't my bag. But definitely grab my hair and move me how you like. It's wonderful to see your partner enjoying your oral skills.
15. Favorite Curse Word?
Fuck. Simple. Classic.
16. Favorite movie of all time?
Godfather I & II - they go together as one story really. It's a great telling of the struggles of first generation Americans, the immigrant experience, and the dangers that come with new world success. Part III tried to build on this but was shoddy and really fell short.
17. Shaved? Waxed? Trimmed? Let it grow wild?
Wax wax wax, Brazilian, clean off. I have a bad thing about body hair. Yes, we all have it, but grooming is important. Trimming for partners is fine, but for me, the feel of soft skin that only comes with waxing is best, and no stubble is always a bonus ;-)
18. Who is your favorite author? Book?
I could name preferred writing from every era, so to narrow it down to one work for all time is horribly difficult! My favourite book would have to be 'Solomon Gursky Was Here', by Mordecai Richler. He weaves fiction around fact in such a fascinating way and spans such vast periods of time that you can almost believe the history he spins. But he is not my favourite author.
Do I have a favourite author? I can't narrow it down to just one, I admire many. Yeats, Radcliffe, Swift, Byron, Walpole, Pope, Coleridge, all produced inspiring work. I enjoy some contemporary writers, but I would always return to these timeless writers for the best examples of fiction.
19. What is your opinion about BDSM? Is it something you are interested in? Have tried? Finally is there anything sexually you haven’t done yet you want to try?
Interested lightly. Fellow Blogger Emmy has revealed some interesting photos with rope play, but it requires some patience. I like restricted breathing (H has a velvet looped leash he's held while we've had sex) and I like experimenting with restraints, but I'm not into the hardcore 'I'm the biggest slut in the room' as you see on some BDSM videos. Pain to the brink of pleasure, sure, and my threshold probably isn't that high.
I'm more sub than Dom in most situations, but a man has to tame me into sub in order to have me give in completely, else I just can't release myself to the pleasure. I don't mind the rare Dom role if required, but I admit I can't sustain it for long and need a partner to get all caveman on my ass and make me do as he says. Else I just lose interest in him post-coitus. Docile partners are not interesting. I need competition to tip the balance of power.
Funny enough, I haven't done anal. And oddly enough, I always say it's my husband who will get dibs on that. We'll made some attempts early in our relationship which were exploratory and promising, and though he says he wants to, he hasn't tried to initiate (he's waiting for me to be comfortable with it). Once I do that, DP may be right around the corner, depending on whether or not I find the right playmates to do it with.
Another thing I may want to try eventually is strap one on and fuck a girl, but it only seems interesting if the situation were to present itself - I'm not going around advertising on Craigslist for interested parties or anything like that. If I were in another group session and '...woah, what have we here?' I would be up for it.
20. If you could have sex one last time which lover would it be? What position(s)? Where?
There was a real jackass I used to fuck around with (well, he wasn't a jackass at the time) and he had stamina for days and one helluva cock. If I could take his body and flashy-thing his memory to hell MIB style, I'd say him. But that's not likely, is it? I'd have to say that I want my last time to be group sex again. My cop friend would be a great partner, as he always is. Great cock, can make me cum, has no issues holding a rock hard erection, and has a way of easing playmates into their comfort zone. Maybe MFFM or MFMFMF, or MFMFM again. There would have to be liquor involved - not drunken sex, but a couple social 'getting to know you' drinks, probably in a hotel suite - safe neutral ground for all players. And positions? Well hell, I would hope to cycle through as many as we could ;-)